Damage Seeks Out Damage
by GwenTheTribble
Summary: It was in a demons nature to do what they shouldn't. It was in her nature to want movie nights and root beer floats and waking up next to Sam Winchester. CHARACTER STUDY. AU. MIGHT WRITE MORE.


Ruby remembered the torture of hell. But she remembered it the way you remember the worst thing that ever happened to you, flashing impressions and excruciating detail. Choking on smoke, the cold of a knife being slid under her skin, the hiss of a whip, laughter.

Remembering your humanity was so much worse. She could feel herself growing roots in this meat suit, yesterday she had even _yawned._ And not sarcastically. Her very being was beginning to recall things. She blushed. She fidgeted. She stumbled and tripped. The little things that meant nothing to the humans. She had not done any of them since her death.

It was like the torture in reverse, a surgery without anesthetic. And it was all Sam Winchester's fault. Even when she was corrupting him, he was making her a better person. It made her sick. It was like he was sucking the poison out of her, the poison that he seemed immune to. He may have desired her blood, may have felt his need for it in every fiber of his being, but Ruby could see that he was still good, still human. Sam Winchester, the true vessel of Lucifer, was making Lucifer's most faithful follower remember some desire to be kind. It was not strong, and she quelled it often, but the moose made her want to do things. Decent things. Almost _virtuous _things.

One day she had found herself dropping a penny in a homeless man's cup, and stayed away from him for a week. To be with him was to edge closer and closer to human. When she left behind her blonde bag of burger she thought that it would help, that it would rip the roots out. It didn't, they took hold on coma girl, and she was ready to bolt. Lilith told her that she was such a useful little helper and Ruby didn't tell her that about how she had thought about making pancakes for Sam and not making a bitchy comment. These baby steps were hurtling her towards an abyss.

Demon's so rarely shifted that there was no one alive who had read the lore, or at least understood what it meant. Those who did shift back needed a few things, and just one of them was rarer than a good man amongst church goers. A demon who had a scrap of humanity. Ruby had remembered her name and why she was in hell in the first place. Someone willing to show them kindness recurrently. Sam hadn't killed her. Sam, in his righteousness, had raised a weapon to her more times than could be remembered. Sam had been decent enough to expect or hope for some sort of decency from her.

The third thing was time. Ruby had known Sam for 4 months before she cut her arm and he took it. Like some eighth grader smoking their first cigarette he had gagged on it, but it was soon going down smooth. She left him not enough and she knew it, turning tail and running to Lilith. She could have gone back right after that, she didn't need to stay away. But she had checked in with Lilith and chosen to run back to corruption and sin. She fed on it, like a baby sucking on a dirty teat. Her voice mail was filled with guys calling about a good time and Sam needing her. She left him there. She was reminding herself who was the one addicted to who.

She couldn't stay. It wasn't that she found what she was doing distasteful. It was only that she found it boring. It was in a demons nature to do what they shouldn't. It was in her nature to want movie nights and root beer floats and waking up next to Sam Winchester. It was in her nature to want disgustingly human things and he was so very human, though he thought himself something else. She chocked on smoke and good words.

She was so poisonous. She didn't know what to compare him to, as she wasn't a very poetic thing. She only knew that he was a good man with great purpose, and that she didn't feel good about tricking him. If her highest allegiance was to Lucifer, shouldn't she care more about his vessel than his servant?

Ruby lays next to the hunter she's destroying at night. He needs the blood. Too much more blood will kill him. She goes around and around, thinking of loyalties and faith. "Sam? Are you awake?" she whispers, staring at the popcorn pattern of the motels ceiling. "Hmm? What is it?" He mumbles. "I have to tell you some things." He must recognize that there's something in her tone because he sits up and turns the light on. "What?" He orders. He must think it's about his brother. "Have you ever heard of a demon turning back?" She asks, already knowing the answer. "No, is that something that happens?" He says questions, fully awake. In this light his eyes are grey.

"Rarely. Almost never. I mean, who could ever do that? For a demon?" She laughs. She must be coming off as high strung because Sam looks her up and down with worry and a little fear. "I really don't know how humans do it. I got like a 600 year vacation from all of this and I still can't handle it! I don't even have the full experience!"

"Ruby, Ruby, slow down. What are you talking about?" Sam said firmly. "Demons can turn into humans." She replied, all in a rush. "What? How? I've never heard of that." He said, brow creasing. "It's so rare. Really. You need a few things." She said, sitting up completely. "What kind of things? Do you want to do the ritual or spell or whatever?" He asks urgently. "No. There's no spell. No ritual. This one's all natural. For it to happen the demon needs a bit of humanity left. Nearly none of us has that. Then they need to be shown repeated _knowing, _kindness. Can you think of anyone who would be willing to be nice to a demon? And has the chance to do it more than once?" She questions. "No. What else?" His forehead was still creased. "Time. Sometimes it takes. Most times it doesn't."

"That's all?" He breathed. "Why are you telling me this?" He asked, looking at her. "And they told me you were a genius. I'm turning. Because of you. And now I'm all humany and bad feeling." She spat. "You're turning? _How_?" He questioned getting out of bed and pacing the room. "How many times did you think about killing me, but didn't? You are a hunter who showed some basic decency to a demon. You look at me like I'm a dangerous human, not a force of darkness. That's kindness enough, for someone who hasn't had it in 600 years." She said, matter of factly.

"Why do you have a bad feeling?" Sam stopped pacing to look at her. She inwardly cringed at the question. She paused before telling him. "Lilith sent me here. But I don't want to be her soldier anymore." She is sincere in this but she doesn't blame him for the look of disbelief and betrayal he gives her. She can't help but curse him for being so foolish as to trust her. He should have been keeping the colt under his pillow when he slept with her. He had stopped doing that a few weeks before. Ruby cursed his trust. She also reveled in it.

He looked like he wanted to yell and scream but instead he grabbed a gun and shoved it into the backside of his pants. He gave her a stormy look before slamming the door closed behind him. The motel room seemed to shake from the force of it, and Ruby reached up to her cheeks to feel an odd wetness there. They stung when they rolled down her cheeks and splashed onto her collarbone.


End file.
